My “rights” as a single seem to be something I have to fight for with increasing age and decreasing age of fertility I assume. It is like I am a disease to the world of married people or people in relationships. I cannot be happier than them. I will not be as fulfilled as them. My life is of no value till I have a spouse and children. It is not that I am against marriage. I have seen my siblings go through the whole marriage and family thing. I am truly happy for them because it is something beautiful to have. But why is it that these people be happy for me?
I get questions about potential partners or when I would like to settle down often enough to start annoying me at social events. It’s like I don’t hate social events already. But they have to make me feel worse about myself because I do not have a partner. It’s like being single is a statement that no one finds me attractive in any way possible and I am going to be grumpy till I die. I smile and laugh nervously when I asked questions about when my turn (to be married) is especially since my siblings are happily married. Can I not have my own journey in life that might differ from those around me?
Being single is not a disease. I am not proud in a way that I am flaunting my “freedom” or that I live a happier life because I get to sleep and I do not need to attend to “family” that I possibly cannot stand. Have you considered that I am just happy with where I am and as who I am? Well, there are the perks of not having to compromise over the bathroom or sleeping arrangements. I do enjoy my full 7-hour sleep (well because I am unemployed and I think I deserve my rest since I haven’t slept much growing up). I enjoy having my toilet seat the way I like it. Or not having to clean up after people (well except my parents because it’s their home but no complaints). These may seem insignificant to people but to me, it means a lot. Not only do I have better control of my life (when I’m not having panic attacks or sleepless nights), I get to enjoy the company of my nuclear family that I have gotten the chance to get to know better now.
Being single or being married has its pros and cons just like everything else. So can married people just shut the hell up about single people? Because I get it, I will die alone or have no living legacy. I do not have the fulfilling life of a parent nor of a life partner. But I too have my own set of challenges to face alone. It is scary enough to stand alone, I don’t need other people to constantly remind me how alone I am. Probably me being single is not of my own choosing because I am not much of a looker or a friendly personality. But would it hurt to respect me as a single? We all have challenges in life and I respect what everyone goes through because we all have good days as much as bad ones. So don’t make anyone feel lesser about themselves because of the life they have chosen for themselves or the life that God had planned out for them.
I didn’t want to be preachy but I just feel like I thought we were at a place in time where I am not less because I do not have a husband. I remember watching an episode where Carrie gets shoe shamed because her married friend had gotten her $485 Manolo’s lost at a party. It seemed ridiculous to her married friend to spend so much money on shoes. She also claimed that her married family life is the “real” life, insinuating that singles don’t have “real” lives till we settle down. Again, nothing against marriage and having a family, I hope that married people realize that singles have it hard to and that we also lead real lives even if we are not nurturing love in a form of family. We have real lives where we have to put food on the table and support our parents if we have to. We have responsibilities and have to work hard too. Just because you don’t see it doesn’t make it any less important.
My point in all these ramblings is to respect the lives of singles as much as you want people to respect your married family lives. I mean it’s not much to ask for since I already had to wear uncomfortable clothes and sit or stand by your engagement/wedding/baby shower/open house/children’s birthdays. For all that I sit through for you, you just need to back off and hold your judgments about my singlehood. Nobody liked me to put a ring on it and it’s okay I got 2 loving parents, 2 beautiful nieces and another on the way, 2 judgy sisters, and 2 semi-judgy brothers in law to fill my life for now. I am very contented with my life. (: