Intimate Dinner Party with My Friends Because I Have Anxiety

If anything this pandemic has taught me about my socialization is that I rely on my family for most social interactions since I see them every week and I constantly text/Instagram message my siblings. But I’ve never done the same level of frequency with friends because I genuinely think I’m disturbing or annoying them or I’m not that level of closeness to be a frequent texter — despite being friends for years. Just me?

I was too busy with the chaos of my cooking and hosting that I didn’t take a single photo. All the credit goes to my beautiful friends.

Anyways, I thought it would be fun to host a little get together with my friends even though they aren’t friends with each other and I’m the only mutual connection. I like hosting dinner parties since I really enjoy inflicting this need for others to taste my subpar cooking and I like planning a menu and table setups. Moreover, with the current situation, I’m not comfortable to be having 5 individual dinners outside. And I’m also beyond broke. Cooking is cheaper in this situation. 

Honestly, I was very happy to have my friends over after so long. Since the Circuit Breaker quarantine started in March, I haven’t had a chance to see them this year. Of course, I would have so much anxiety about it. (What’s new?) I haven’t been my best self during the first half of the year and barely holding on but doing much better now. 

Us in 2019 and us in 2020, what a year of difference

I had no confidence whatsoever to meet my friends because I was just at a really low point. I have no idea why because if anything this past year or so has taught me is that they are extremely nice and supportive. I mean my family is nice and supportive. But my beautiful friends are always so optimistic and they are truly the first and only people to compliment me without it being snarky or sarcastic. It’s not that I want to be complimented and glorified but it’s nice and heartwarming for people to see me as me and not as someone’s sibling. It’s just nice to be seen as an individual and for my abilities.

I’m always eternally grateful to be surrounded by uniquely amazing individuals and to be able to call them my friends. You know how people say that they kiss a lot of frogs before they found their Prince Charming. Well, let’s just say I have my fair share of traumatic friendships with trust issues and all. So, I’m just grateful to have these humans to hang out with and have deep conversations. Hopefully, I gain more confidence in myself to actually maintain these friendships properly. I’m trying. 

Peace be upon you. 

PS: I planned a sort of Mediterranean dinner with Vegetarian Greek Mousakka, Whipped Feta Cheese with Honey Dip, Turkish Kofte, Meatless Meatballs, and Banoffee Meringue Roulade. All the recipes are linked here if you’re interested.

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